


Sick and Tired

by bashfulglowfly



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6927037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bashfulglowfly/pseuds/bashfulglowfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi is sick and tired of someone, someone's family and their antics...and takes drastic measures. There is BAD LANGUAGE in this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sasuke’s eyes gleamed red but not with the Sharingan but with madness.  “I’m going to become Hokage!  And then everyone will know what it will be like to bow down to a REAL…”  He gasped with pain and looked down in time to see a kunai withdraw from his side where his kidneys were located.

He looked up into the grim face of Kakashi, opened his mouth but couldn’t speak as the bloody kunai slashed across his throat.  As the light faded, all he could see was the pitiless face of the man he had once called “Sensei” grow farther and farther away.

Naruto and Sakura stared as Sasuke’s body fell to the ground; his throat cut wide open.

“Kakashi-sensei…you…you killed Sasuke.”  Naruto turned wide blue eyes to Kakashi.

“Yeah…and?”

Sakura spoke quietly.  “Why did you do it, Kakashi?”

Kakashi carefully wiped off the blade of his kunai with a rag before storing it away and tossing the rag on top of the body.  Then he turned to his former students.  “Because I’m sick and tired of Uchihas and their ‘take over the world’ bullshit!”  He stabbed a finger at the pair.  “SICK AND FUCKING TIRED!!”

He began to pace back and forth.  His arms weren’t quite waving in the air hysterically but they were close.  “I’m in my thirties.  I’ve been through two wars and countless battles.  Yes, I’m a damned good shinobi and I’m proud of my accomplishments.  But I’m actually tired.  I would like to spend some time on a comfy sofa or in a comfy bed with a warm and willing kunoichi and make some babies…or practicing making babies.”

Sakura blinked.  “You…you want a family?  What about your father?”

“He’s dead.  I’m not.  Thank the gods.”  Kakashi huffed a sigh.  “At least he wasn’t brought back.  And I’ve gotten over his suicide.  I’ve gotten over it all.  I would just like to live quietly for a while and I’m not going to be able to do that while there is an Uchiha running around spouting bullshit!”

Naruto rubbed the back of his head.  “The Council wanted Sasuke to be returned to the village and make more Uchiha babies.  They aren’t going to be happy about this.”

Kakashi made a suggestion about what the Council could do with themselves that made Naruto and Sakura blush bright red.  “Uh, is that even possible?” Naruto asked Sakura.

Sakura tilted her head thoughtfully.  “Wellll…yeah…if you and your partner are flexible enough, you might be able to do it.”  She looked at Kakashi and blushed again.  “Babies with a warm and willing kunoichi, huh?”

Kakashi looked her up and down, pulled down his mask and gave her a wicked grin and winked.

Sakura sniffed and tilted her nose in the air and walked past him.  Her hips swaying.  “I have a few conditions of my own.”

Kakashi turned and watched those hips.  Then began to follow.  “Oh?  Really?”

Naruto watched his living teammates and shook his head, grinning.  Then he looked at his dead one.  “Kakashi was right.  I’ve had enough of Uchihas and their bullshit too.”  He looked around for a moment to make sure no one was looking then his fingers flickered.

As Naruto walked away, the body of the last of the Uchiha burst into roaring flames then just as quickly died down.  Leaving behind nothing but ash that was already scattering in the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

_He impaled me._   Thought Sakura.  _That Uchiha son of a bitch IMPALED ME!!_

Naruto stared in horror at the body of his pink-haired teammate then turned his attention to the man who they had worked so very hard to find.  Sasuke’s arm was dark with Sakura’s blood up to the elbow and he was laughing.

Sasuke was laughing about how easy it was to kill Sakura.

Naruto could barely focus but he distantly heard Sasuke begin this rambling speech about how he was going to become Hokage and take over the world.  Naruto was fairly certain that he’d heard this speech from another Uchiha or two before.  But he only half-way listened as he stared at the crumpled body of Sakura.

Then the body began to move.  Naruto’s eyes widened as Sakura got to her feet.  Vaguely he wondered how Sai would refer to the look on her face.  From the corner of his eye, he saw Kakashi use both hands to cover his groin.  Then he felt something wet trickled down his legs.

Naruto realized that he had peed on himself.

With a terrible scream Sakura hauled back her fist and punched Sasuke right in the spine.

Sasuke didn’t even have a chance to say “ow” before his body went careening across the ground and into a conveniently placed boulder.

Naruto didn’t even see Sakura move but she had Sasuke by the arm and was using it to beat his body against the ground.

Naruto couldn’t help but compare what Sakura was doing to a scene in the movie the entire army had just watched not four days before.  In the movie, a giant green man-monster beat the crap out of a god somewhat like Sakura was doing.

“ **…SICK AND TIRED OF YOU, SASUKE!”**

Not that Sakura was a giant green man-monster.

**“NARUTO, KAKASHI AND I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED TO HELP YOUR DUMB ASS!!!”**

Naruto was smart enough to know better than to describe her THAT way.

**“AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN RETURN? _JACK SHIT!!_ ”**

Pink-haired demon would be a better description…not that he was going to say that in front of her either.

**“I’M SICK AND TIRED OF RUNNING AROUND AFT…”**

Naruto blinked himself back into reality when Sakura stopped screaming.  He realized that she was staring blankly at Sasuke’s arm that she had raised high in the air.  Unfortunately for Sasuke, the rest of him was laying on the ground.

Sakura took a deep breath and resumed beating Sasuke.  This time with his arm…until that disintegrated.   Sakura jumped high in the air and landed on Sasuke’s body.  The ground gave way about four feet deep. Then she jumped into the air again.

“Now, now Sakura!”  Kakashi called out.  Sakura turned and looked at him while still standing on top of Sasuke.  “You don’t want to do that.  I know those boots you are wearing are fairly new and the only ones you have here.  If you keep jumping on him like that, your boots are going to get all squishy inside.  You don’t want to run home with squishy boots, do you?”

Sakura took a deep breath.  Then another.  “No.  I guess you’re right.  That would be very unpleasant.”

Naruto took a step forward.  “Um, Sakura…is he dead?”

Sakura gave Naruto a grin.  He felt another wet trickle go down his leg.  She planted one foot on Sasuke’s head, leaned down, grabbed hold of Sasuke’s neck…and _yanked._

Naruto saw parts of Sasuke (or anyone else for that matter) he never, ever wanted to see again.

Sakura tossed down the body and jumped out of the hole.  “If he wasn’t before, he is now!”

Kakashi laughed.  “That’s my girl!”

“Your girl?”  Sakura raised an eyebrow at the silver haired man.  “Fine.  I’m your girl.  I want children.”

Kakashi wrapped an arm around her waist and began leading her back to camp.  “Well, I hope the children come after marriage, because I don’t want Tsunade flogging me with my own spine.”

“Of course.”

“Good.  I want six kids.”

“SIX?!  Two with an option for three.”

“I think we are going to have to have some serious negotiations here.”

Naruto could only stare as his two teammates strolled back to camp like the past five minutes had never happened.  He looked at the mangled corpse of the last Uchiha and with a flicker of his fingers, the body caught on fire, burning to ash within seconds.  A second flicker of his fingers and the hole was filled with dirt.

Naruto sniffed.  He could smell…urine…and if he could smell it, he knew that others would especially Kiba and he didn’t want to listen to the Inuzuka when the dog boy hadn’t seen what he just witnessed.

Naruto looked around.  He could hear the river a short ways away and figured he had time enough to wash his clothes and himself and return back to camp before people began searching for him.

A swirl of leaves and he was gone with nothing left behind to remind anyone about the unlamented avenger.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto could only stare as Sasuke began to laugh.  _Waitaminute!  Didn’t we just go through all of this?_

Naruto frowned as Sasuke began outlining his plan for becoming Hokage and taking over the world.  _Yup.  We’ve been through this bullshit before!_

Suddenly Sasuke took off running and Naruto automatically followed him.  When Sasuke stopped, Naruto also stopped and looked around.  They were in the Valley of the End.  Naruto sighed and plopped to the ground, his elbow on his knee and his chin resting on his fist, frowning in concentration.

Sasuke stared at the golden-haired man in front of him.  “What are you doing?  Fight me!”

“Shut up for a minute.  I’m thinking.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes.  “Well that’s going to take all day…FIGHT ME!”

A clone of Naruto appeared and punched him in the face.  “The boss said ‘shut up’ so why don’t you do just that.”

Kakashi ran up with Sakura on his back.  He gently sat her down on a boulder while she continued to heal the wound Sasuke caused.  “What’s going on?”

The clone looked at him.  “The boss is thinking.”

Kakashi blinked.  “Okay…”

“That’s what I’m going to have to do!”  Naruto burst out.  He slapped his hands on his knees and stood up.  He turned to Sakura.  “Sakura, I’m going to have to break my promise.  I’m very sorry.”  He bowed deeply to her.  “But I can’t bring Sasuke back to the village.  He’s bat-shit crazy and I’m sick and tired of bat-shit crazy Uchiha’s.”

Sakura waved a hand in the air.  “That’s okay.  I understand, Naruto.”

“ **WHAT?!** ”  The semi-strangled shriek came from Sasuke’s throat.

Sakura looked at him with indifference.  “I don’t have a problem anymore with Naruto killing you.  I’m sick and tired of bat-shit crazy Uchihas myself.”

“But…but…the village wants me back…the elders want me back!”

Kakashi snorted.  “The elders are dead so what they want doesn’t really matter anymore.  And, yes, the village would like to have the Uchiha bloodline back.  But since there are Uchihas in the village already…you just aren’t necessary.”

Naruto stared at his former sensei.  “What do you mean there are Uchihas in the village?”

Sasuke howled with rage.  “I AM THE LAST OF THE UCHIHAS!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NOT NECESSARY?”

Kakashi sighed.  “Remember Karin?  And having sex with her?  I don’t think I need to explain the consequences of unprotected sex, do I?”

“But I killed her.”

Sakura spoke, her voice flat and unemotional.  “You killed her clone.  Kakashi found her unconscious in the woods just outside of Konoha and brought her to the hospital.”

Kakashi bowed to Naruto.  “I am sad to tell you this, Naruto.  But your cousin died in childbirth.”

Naruto closed his eyes in grief.  He didn’t know Karin well at all but to know that there had been another Uzumaki in the world and she was now lost to him was heartbreaking.  The only thing he wanted more than being Hokage was to have a family.  And to lose a family member, even though he barely knew her, was hard.

“The child is MINE.” Sasuke screamed.  “Give it to me!”

Sakura glared.  “No way in Hell!”

Naruto nodded.  “Yeah.  No way in Hell!”

Suddenly hundreds of Naruto clones appeared and they attacked.

Kakashi grabbed Sakura and moved them farther back from the battle zone.  They watched in awe as massive explosions rocked the Valley.  Smoke would cloud their view then strong gusts of wind would blow it away.  One by one Naruto’s clones disappeared but there were Sasuke shaped holes here and there in the sides of the Valley.

Then it stopped.  The golden warrior and the dark avenger both stood panting in the blazing sun.

Sakura darted away from Kakashi.  He’d never seen her run so fast before.  She sprinted up to Sasuke, her hand darted out and Sasuke screamed in pain.  Sakura kept moving until she was out of Sasuke’s immediate reach.  She held up her bloody hand and in it was Sasuke’s left eye.  “This is for Kakashi!”  She threw the eye to the ground and stomped it into the dirt.

Naruto couldn’t only stare at his pink-haired teammate as she grinned viciously at Sasuke.

Naruto turned just in time to see Kakashi slash a kunai across Sasuke’s abdomen.  Sasuke screamed and used both hands to try to keep his intestines from falling to the ground.  He looked up at Naruto.  His empty left eye still pouring blood down his cheek like a red waterfall.  The right eye wide with horror.  “Help me!”

“No.”

“No?  What do you mean, no?”

“No.  I’m not going to help you Sasuke.  At least I’m not going to help you live.  But I will help you die.”  Naruto began walking towards the man he’d spent several years looking for…and now regretted every minute of doing so.  He stood in front of Sasuke and gently cupped the other man’s cheek like one would do to a child.  “I’m doing this not only for Konoha but for Itachi-san.  His name will be on the Memorial because he is a Hero of Konoha.  But you…you will never be on there.  You will be forgotten.  Your child will not even know your name.  You could have had everything, Sasuke.  But you chose the wrong path.  And now I have to end it.  All of it.”

Sasuke’s knees began to tremble.  He could feel the loss of blood affecting him.  “You can’t do this.” He whispered.

“Yes, I can.”  Naruto’s other hand flashed out and he quickly broke Sasuke’s neck.

The body fell to the ground.  Blood trickled out onto the ground then stopped.

All Naruto could hear was the wind blowing by him.

He jumped when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder.  He looked over and Kakashi was staring at him with sympathetic eyes.  An arm came around his waist and a head rested on his other shoulder.  Sakura leaned against him.

Team Kakashi looked down at the body.  Their faces inscrutable except to each other.

Kakashi rubbed Naruto’s head gently then with a flicker of his fingers, the body burst into flames.  And just as quickly became ash that floated off in the breeze.

Naruto looked at his teammates.  “So Karin had a baby?”

Sakura smiled.  “She had twins actually.  A boy and a girl.”

Kakashi beamed.  “We named them Takeshi and Megumi.”

Naruto nodded.  “Those are good names.”

“Let’s go home.” Said Sakura.  “Tsunade has the children but I don’t want them learning bad habits from her.”

“They’ve only infants, Sakura.”  Kakashi laughed.  “What could they possibly learn from her at this stage?”

Sakura shook her head.  “What happens early on is important.”

Naruto frowned again.  “Wait…if Karin’s dead, who’s going to raise the twins?”

Kakashi and Sakura stared at him.  “Well, we are.” Said Sakura.

“But, but…you aren’t…what am I trying to say here?”

Kakashi smiled at his confused former student.  “Sakura and I have had a relationship going on for some time now.  We got married a couple of months ago.”

Naruto blinked.  “Does the Old Lady know?”

“Who do you think performed the ceremony?”

“Oh.  Okay then.”  Naruto nodded sharply and began marching off towards Konoha.  Then he stopped abruptly almost causing Sakura to crash into him.  “Hey.  Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“If the twins are part Uzumaki, how come you two get to raise them and not me?”

Sakura gave him a flat green-eyed stare.  “Because Tsunade said so.”

“Oh.  Okay.”  Naruto began his bouncing march again.  Then he stopped.  “Wait a minute!”

“Again?!”

“Do you think Hinata meant what she said?”

“What do you mean?”

“Hinata said that she loved me.  Do you think she meant it?”

Kakashi lightly smacked Naruto upside the head.  “Yes.  Hinata meant it when she said that she loved you.”

“Good.  But she keeps fainting around me and stuff.   How are we going to date then get married and make babies if she keeps fainting?”

Kakashi got a naughty twinkle in his eyes and a mischievous smirk came across his face.  Sakura elbowed him sharply in the side and glared up at her husband.  “Don’t you DARE tell Naruto what I think you’re going to tell him!”  She smiled at Naruto and began leading her team back to the village.  “She’ll get over it, Naruto.  You just have to tell you love her too.”

“And kiss her.  With lots of tongue!”

“KAKASHI!”

And they all live Happily (and more or less quietly) Ever After.


End file.
